The Dilf Diaries

Make me 'Say Ahh' then...GOSH!

Trying to decide who I want to marry more. Trey Songz or Losooooooooo... *sighs*

Another day, another revelation. This is what it is:

SAME SCRIPT DIFFERENT CAST.

and a new protagonist every month.

A word of advice to those people that are confusing Twitter.com with Match.com:

Meaningless banter aside, if you're going to use social networking in an actual attempt to get sex/find love, then from the time when you decide to recycle your bars it's probably best you don't use them on a group of girls who might even be remotely connected (you'd be surprised) because a) you're going to get your reputation into a whole heap of mess and b) GIRLS TALK. Remember that.

We can hide behind a mask of charm and wit but everything we say and do in life will one day come back to haunt us. It's called Karma bruv. So be nice yeah. Be nice to yourself if anything.

Anyway who gassed these bitches up?





HELLO :)

HOT AIR BALLOON SEASON

HAPPY NEW.....EARS :)

HERE'S A NEW YEARS PRESENT YOU CAN LISTEN TO AS YOU SOOTHE YOUR HANGOVERS :)

You may or may not know that me and Sian Anderson did a little something something on Rinse Fm last week. IT was jokes. And if you missed it then you can CLICK HERE to go and download it.

 Waheyyyyy!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOUR EARS!

Yo, 2009, LATERS!

Click here to read my ten memorable moments of 2009 over at Hot110

But mostly read this story:

2009 has simultaneously been the best and worst year of my life... Go figure.

It started off with me moving from London to Birmingham for 9 months to work and save money, and ended with me moving back to London for the same reasons and having the most fun ever. In between these two events I have had so many experiences, learned so many valuable things and so much has changed/happened that I don't really know where to begin with this blog. And whilst mine might not be as glamorous as some people's, let me tell you, I flippin love my humble little life and the people in it.

Of course this calls for another one of my infamous lists but you know what, as much as I love words, for once in my life I'm going to choose the non long-winded and wordy approach. Let's cut this long story short.

2009 Highlights (and lowlights)-

Left London,  went to birmingham, worked lots, worked some more, wrote lots of things, interviewed lots of people, got given a free trip to New York (and gave it away...), spent the summer developing an unhealthy crush, went to Milan fashion week, moved back to London, worked lots, worked some more, wrote lots more things, got my heart broken and thought I learned my lesson but turns out I didn't, met some amazing people and made some friends that will one day be invited to my BIG FAT Greek (and Johnny Depp) Wedding, gave most of my hard earned money to American Apparel throughout the year, went on radio a few times, realised how much I actually adore my family, and the rest I'll tell you another day.

Now I'm not about to claim 2010 (partly because obviously nobody knows what might happen and mostly because I'm not a gassed grime MC) but I do believe that life is what you make it so I intend to make life in 2010 one where I smile a lot more, sigh a lot less and generally feel happier and hopefully a bit skinnier than ever before. A bit like what I said last year. I guess that kind of suggests that I failed 2009 but I didn't - I just want 2010 and every year hence forth to get better and better.

I wish everyone good health, wealth, happiness and above all love, because despite the cynic I might secretly be, despite my yet to be mended heart and despite my renouncement of all things emotional, I think that deep down I probably believe that without love, your life is trivial. Even with nothing else in your life apart from love, the grey days won't seem so grey and the pars of life become more bearable.

NO FUCKING HOMO!

I guess the long story didn't get cut short then:

And now for my Oscar acceptance speech: 

Big up everyone who made 2009 as adventurous as it was, big up everyone who made me laugh/cry (or both) and big up everyone I worked and partied with over 2009.

Some names: 

Mum and Dad (I hope they don't read my blog (lol) but they're the fucking best - if I turn out half as good as my parents I'll be a pretty fucking amazing person one day), 

Eleni and Skevi (my best friends and a third of my being - without you two I couldn't function properly), 

My cousins (too many to name you know who you are), 

Jason Barton (best advice giver and encouraging support - you're the best god-brother a girl could wish for), 

William Skilliam (Nicest man I've ever met and after 2 years of knowing you, I think I'm qualified to say that. Wii tournaments scheduled monthly as of Jan 2010), 

The PTC/AW4 (the jokes are too much and one day we'll take over the world), 

JP (only you and I know how you've helped me so much and I'm truly greatful), 

Antony (my favourite French, Irish Egyptian Jew - I've known you for less than 3 months but even when I get fired we're gonna keep bangin' out the grime beats)
SHAKIRA (lol) - my new years resolution is to become like you - thanks for inspiring me to become a sexy belly dancer.

and finally,

The Heartbreaker - I feel like not bigging you up would mean ignoring half of this year so I couldn't do it. Despite the heart break you kept me entertained till the small hours on a daily basis for a substantial chunk of the latter part of 2009. You taught me lots of things: like how to use my Mac properly, how real life>virtual life, how going out is very overrated, and how ten billion per cent Jamaican white rum wasn't made for smelling but for straight up drinking, no questions. And you might not know it yet but the feeling is mutual on your part. Trust me. You don't know about meeeee hahahaha! ;)

Right then everyone.
If I love you, you already know I love you. I don't even need to tell you. But I will anyway. I fucking love you :)

And if you see me about in the new year then come say hi, I'm really nice. My friend says I'm like a ray of sunshine (except when I get angry, then I'm a thunderbolt from Zeus' collection) I'm the one that smiles all the time, finds most things funny and likes to skank out, camera in hand. A bit like this:

On that note I'm off to spend tonight with my family and maybe even get an early night. Start as you wish to go on and all that...

One day your life will flash before your eyes - Make sure it's worth watching.

Let's make 2010 one of the bits we'll rewind and watch over and over and over again.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

God bless :)

FOOD #fidead

Dear every piece of chocolate and every scrap of food lingering around from the fucking festive season,


FUCK OFF NOW!


I'm tryna look like this:

Not like this:

FOR FUCKSAKE!

Annorexia diet and daily riding...of my bike commences tomorrow.

10 reasons why the festive season is a prick.

1) For starters the festive season should change it's name to the FATstive season.
Everywhere I look there's fucking treats of lard and edible cellulite. What the fuck is that about? Didn't everyone get the memo? I'm tryna lose pounds not gain them. And don't even chat to me about going for drinks. That's all everyone seems to do these days. Amaretto is like drinking syrup so I had to switch it to vodka and vodka gives me bad hangovers. Lose lose situation. Or more accurately, gain (weight) gain (weight) situation.

2) Cheerful shop workers:
About 'have a nice day and a merry christmas'...
I just queued up for 4 hours to buy reindeer socks and my make up is smeared across my face babes. Fuck off with your fake smiles and fake festive cheer.

3) SHUT THE FUCK UP

Ask Liam he'll tell you.

4) Spending money on shit that will be half price the next day.
Return, exchange and refund queues are not a good look.

5) The family from the mother land come over to celebrate.
This is nice and everything but from when you're taking my room away from me, then go back to Cyprus. And if you have sex in my bed then oh my days...just oh my days...skitz ain't the word.

6) Couples
I don't really care what you bought your boyfriend babes and it's probably best you don't take a pause in the middle of the fucking shoe hall in Topshop to lips each other whilst I'm tryna buy boots because I WILL kick you and it WILL hurt.

7) The people with buckets outside supermarkets asking you to donate to charity.
Excellent cause but stop trying to entertain me because you're pissing me off. All I want is some milk. I'll give you my change but I don't need you to dance like James Brown for me. Can't you see my nose is running to the floor.

8) THE ILL
I've smelt like Olbas oil since early November.

9) Twitter.
That's not really to do with the festive season but it's always a prick. It's more gassed than your mums GAStric band.

10) THE FUCKING SNOW.
I don't give a fuck if it's pretty, I couldn't care less if it looks like a Christmas card outside my window and I don't give a shit how festive it is.
IT'S COLD, SLIPPERY AND A FUCKING HEALTH AND SAFETY HAZARD...and you can't even sue mother nature if you slip and fall and break your neck but not in the good way.

So yes. Over all,

BAH HUMBUG. 

(Please note: I love Christmas really).

Show me that I'm special tell me boy...

BIG TUNE.

(Also...when is Brandy bringing out a new album? I fucking miss her!)

Everybody knows that we're OGz...

The flyer says it all.

Click HERE or HERE to get your tickets.

And can I just say:

FACK.

The fact that you can actually understand every word he says...woiii.

Currently, to me, P Money's flow is the sickest EVER.

See you there.